I still wish Atticus was my dad.

Do you think that pretty much every 9th grade girl who ever read To Kill a Mockingbird wishes Atticus Finch was her dad? I'm currently reading TKAM with my freshmen, and I'm falling in love with Mr. Finch all over again.

In my case, I did not fantasize about having Mr. Finch as my father because my real father was somehow inadequate. To the contrary, my dad was perfect, entirely too perfect.

My father was an amazing gentleman. He raised my 3 (half) brothers as his own, and even got my oldest brother, whose heart had been shattered by his own father, to eventually call him dad, and mean it. My father, who despite his clown-like presence got caught up in the entrepreneurial spirit and succeed, if only for short while. The only thing he ever did wrong was he died too early. He passed on exactly 3 months before my 4th birthday.

And during the last year of his life he knew he had terminal cancer.

Can you imagine the choices you would make if you had a 4 children, one only 2 years old, a loving wife, a thriving business and only a year to live? Yep, my father was perfect but for too brief a time. And so Mr. Finch filled in the gaps for my fantasies of what it might've been like if I'd had my father for just a few more years. What would he have taught me? Would my values be any different? Would I be a different person?